It's
time once again to consider the candidates for the 2003
Stella Awards.
The
Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds.
That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely
successful lawsuits in the United States for last year.
Actually, joint awards should be given to the plaintiff
attorneys and the flaming idiots on the juries who awarded
anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
The
following are this year's candidates:
Kathleen
Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury
of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler
who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of
the store were understandably surprised at the verdict,
considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's
son!
A 19-year-old
Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at
the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's
hubcaps.
Terrence
Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he
had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not
able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the
house because the door connecting the house and garage locked
when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and
Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight
days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large
bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming
the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
agreed, to the tune of $500,000.
Jerry
Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks
by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on
a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less
than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been
just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who
was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
A
Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped
on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage
was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her
boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Kara
Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner
of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from
the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two
front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying
the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental
expenses.
This
year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand
new 32- foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip
home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise
control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to
go into the back and make himself a cup> of coffee.
Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising
him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually
do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new
motor home. The company actually changed their manuals
on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any
other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
